Thursday, January 31, 2008

Reality TV vs. Erotic Urban Literature, or "Is Your Thong On Fire, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?"

I think I often take my education for granted.

No, I'm not claiming to be the world's smartest human, nor would I want to be. Boys don't like smart girls (duh) so, to such a station I shall never aspire. But that doesn't necessarily detract from the fact that I have enjoyed what some might consider a "lavish" education, thanks to my own naive ambition* and the great state of California.

I went to college, ladies and gents, and every once in a while I am reminded of this.

Like today.

Unfortunately our receptionist at work is out sick this week (I miss her), and so we have a temp girl filling in. Candace is her name. For the three days Candace has been working the phones, filing the mail, giving me whiteout when I request it. She has been polite, pleasant - albeit somewhat confused - and coridal.

"Good morning, this is Candace. How may I direct your call?"

She pretty much nails it every time, and I like her.

Today Candace impressed me even more. More than I ever thought possible in a million years... Witness the exchange, if you will:

Me: (Preparing a fax cover sheet) So, how's it going up here? Getting the hang of it?

Candace: Yeah, it's been pretty slow today.

Me: Well that can be good and bad. Slow can be a lot less stressful. But it can also be --

Candace: Boring. Yeah, that's why I brought a book (gestures to open book on desk).

Me: (Interest piqued - she's a reader! How interesting!) Oh cool, what are you reading?

Candace: "Thong On Fire."

The unassuming interim phone operator then lifted her book up revealing its scintillating cover.


This is when I lost it. In my head, at least. Really I can't remember what was said next because all I could think was oh my God, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen and please don't laugh out loud at this PLEASE. I raced back to my office where I Google'd this literary gem to read for myself what it was about.

I strongly suggest clicking here because you will not be disappointed, and no amount of wordsmithing on my part could make the actual fact of this book's existence any more hilarious.

However, I will say this much... "Thong On Fire" was written by the National Bestselling Author of "Thug-A-Licious."

Joking aside, Candance is a sweet girl. And to be honest, no matter the content I'm just glad that she's reading. More people should choose to read to keep themselves busy and entertained. In a culture that pumps out the mind-numbing shit like "Moment Of Truth" and "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?" it's good that Candace is at least sticking it to The Man by picking up a book - that no fifth grader should ever, ever read.

I mean I suppose she could be spending her free time at the switchboard watching Youtube clips or playing Scrabulous...

But then she'd be just

*A young girl has no way of knowing that no man will ever ask her how many AP classes she took.

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